Time

There are many people that I admire and most that fit into that category have something in common; a willingness to share the things of their souls. Never am I more touched than when someone trusts me enough to give me a glimpse of deep inside themselves; something that, regrettably, too few of us do.

It is a scary thing to share the things of my soul or your soul. Who cares about the things of my soul anyhow (rhetorically speaking)? It’s not that I really believe that no one cares. I would be a liar if I said that I believed that. That is simply my initial thought; one that quite obviously, judging from how many notes I’ve written, never stays for long.

There is just something inherently frightening, unfortunately, about showing who we really are and what we are really about. Just like one of my favorite quotes says, “it is our light, not our darkness that frightens us the most” (Marianne Williamson). However frightening this may be, I am drawn to do so because I think that it could be helpful to someone besides just me. And if I only help one person, than I have helped someone like others have helped me.

Something very prominent is about my soul at this moment, a learning and teaching experience that I wish to share.

Almost two years ago I was in a relationship. I was young and didn’t know what the heck I was doing but I did the best I knew how to do. This is key because I didn’t understand that this is what I had done until later and after this relationship didn’t work out, I beat myself up about it big time and the pain and affects of that event and the other things that were also going on stayed with me a long time. It was a long recovery.

Yet, I am the person I am today because of all of that. And no matter what bad things might happen, as long as we are true to our God, something good will always come of it. Always.

I just recently, very recently, had another relationship that hasn’t really worked out. It’s painful, it is, but again, I did the best I knew how to do (and it was way better than my best knowledge two years ago. Thank heaven for progression!). Let me just say that I won’t be taking as long a time agonizing over this situation again; because even though the relationship didn’t turn out right, we did a lot of right things while we were together and I loved every moment. He is a good man and he was good to me.

I want to make sure that there is no misunderstanding here; this may sound as though I didn’t care about this guy very deeply. This is not the case. I feel all emotions very deeply, I always have and I always will. I deal with some better than others, of course but because of this trait, I naturally cared about him very much. He has my gratitude, my respect and my friendship should he ever need it.


But here is the message I would like to share: If you do the best you know how and things don’t work out (whatever they may be), learn from this and do not live with regrets. This obviously means that you should always do the best you know how to do. If perhaps you are someone who feels like you do not always do this then change. It’s quite possible. Look at me :)

I can promise that if you live your life doing things half-way or anything less than the best you know how to do, you will walk away from opportunities you are given, unfulfilled and unsatisfied. And that is no way to live. Trust me. I’ve done it before.

Nothing is more satisfying and allows you heal from the wounds of life better than knowing you did your best. Not someone else’s best, mind you, but yours, don’t compare your best to others. It is not the same.

Keep going.
Continue trying.

Even though things may not seem like they could ever be right again, they will be because a loving Heavenly Father is watching over you. His time table is what is right for you. I testify of that.

Symbolism

‘Tis dawn and oh, the western wind, how it blows, cupping around me urging me forward.
Where once a wanderer wandered, now a pilgrim with
The zenith of the mount as the ultimate aim travels.

Higher and higher the straight trail leads, more and more my black toned skin
Melts away to amber; electric and reflective.

With each gentle guiding breeze, Zephyr blows me feathers
That swirl ‘round my head, making a humble halo.

A gate ahead catches the eye ‘neath a grand arch drawing all my attention to it.
The closer my steps take me the lighter the sky becomes,
Flowers blaze, and the ground glows;
The light is so bright my shadow fades.
It is all encompassing, uplifting.
My feet leave the ground.
I am almost entirely golden now.
With stretched out hand I reach for the gate
And it opens.

I lift my veil and
What do I behold?

A world unlike my own.

With not a few flaming pearls and white cloaks,
Glorious glimmering temples or chiming bells.
An abundance of polished persons,
Unutterable in beauty and shining like refined silver.

And whose reflection shines through their skin?

That of the Most High;
Beyond words and indefinable.
My heart swells, overwhelmed with emotion that runs deeper than space.
Familiarity springs forth in diamond tears,
Knees kiss the ground as I kiss His feet.

Indicibilis

Wonderful Spiral

I'm in the process of learning something wonderful right now.

It is that when you open your heart to others, it allows your heart to be more open for Heavenly Father. And when that happens your heart opens even more to others and it just continues in a wonderful spiral upward. An open heart usually means that you have nothing to hide, so in addition to the blessing of greater love of men and God, you have peace with yourself and generally the world.

Have you noticed that when Heavenly Father gives you a blessing, he attaches a whole bunch of other things with it?! It's like a present with other presents taped to the sides. So, with the blessing of greater love...well, really the possibilities are endless! A more open heart leads to greater humility, gratitude, understanding, sympathy, patience... on and on and on. Living the gospel is so incredibly rewarding :)

And developing an open heart is a worthy venture. You should try it.

That Shine

"That Shine", came to me because I've just been feeling so grateful lately! And not even because of Thanksgiving. I've taken on another motto in my life, I think I've mentioned it before, "Because God has been so good to me".

Hmm, I just read through my posts and it doesn't look like I've mentioned that actually. It's from a book written by Brent L. Top. Man, I must have started to write something but never finished it, because this is all so familiar. Anyhow, Pres. Top is my Stake President and next door neighbor; a truly amazing man. One of his books is entitled "When You Can't Do it Alone Take the Savior's Hand."

In this book he tells a story about his father (I won't go into details. Even though the information is available to the public, I don't feel like I have a right to share the whole story on here); he was struggling but he was still doing everything in his power to live righteously, paying his tithes and offerings and so forth. When Pres. Top expressed some concerns for his father's welfare, his father stated, "I know I don't have to do all this, but I want to. I want to do this. I can afford it. It is the least I can do, because God has been so good to me."

What a way to live. What an awesomely powerful outlook on life! I read that statement maybe a month ago and have been trying to live it and it has been such an incredible experience! I have been experiencing a steady calm and sunny outlook on life.

I've been wanting to write something about it for a while now; and so this poem is a result of the shine that I have seen in my life by living in gratitude.


"Didn’t always have that shine.
But it came over time.

Didn’t happen on it’s own,
Not something you can loan,
More like it was sown.

Worked on remembering,
Now it’s so baffling,

For now the harvest has come
And I’m reaping wisdom.

With emotions running rich and
Happiness less likely to slip,
I can take on the world with a smile,
More willing to go an extra mile.

Loving that shining;
Feeling the refining.
What a wonderful life."

Fiducia

I'm going to let you in on the secret of life. This secret will get you through anything. Guaranteed.

The secret is confidence. I am not referring to the confidence the world will have you believe is the most important. I am talking about a confidence that runs so deeply through you that it actually empowers you to become a better individual, able to prevail in any trail you may face in life (Romans 8:31 with JST).

In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 121:45, it states that we should "let virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly; then shall [our] confidence wax strong in the presence of God..."

If your confidence is strong in the presence of God, than it will be strong in the presence of anyone else.

There is something so liberating about living a good (virtuous) life and being a good person. We all have faults but it is so much better to admit to them and than work on changing them than letting them inhibit us. There is a song on the 2009 EFY CD, sung by Benton Paul; the second part of the second verse goes like this, "Let's not look back at all that we lack but rather prove that we can change it."

It is indeed a daunting task to come to grips with things you need to change about yourself, but Heavenly Father was probably the one who showed you those things in the first place and will certainly help you change them. I don't believe he would ever say something to the effect of, "This is your weakness. Fix it."

Trusting God with your life frees you.

I had something very unexpected come up in my life about two or three hours ago that I believe will prove to be a defining situation for me. I know that I lead a good life and if I mess up, I try again. I have been granted "trust building moments" over the past several years and I took them. I gained trust in Heavenly Father's abilities to lead my life in the right direction. I know that. And so now, even though the events before me seem a bit unpredictable and possibly painful, I will get through it and emerge triumphant. I can declare, "I know in whom I have trusted" (2 Ne. 4:19, emphasis added), and he will not lead me astray."

You can't buy that kind of confidence by being fashionable and popular in the public eye. The world tells you that if you want to have confidence, you need to dress a certain way, drive a certain car, have a certain job and associate with certain people you will be sure of yourself.

:) Yes. It might be true. But as for me, I know that being sure of just myself is not good enough. I can't get through everything on my own and thank heaven I do not have to. I am sure of God and the divine direction he gives me.

Now that kind of confidence...is worth having. And it is attainable to anyone who seeks it.

Your Well

First, no, the title is not grammatically incorrect. When I say "well" I mean the kind that holds water :)

Over the summer at EFY, we had the privilege of having Bro. McLlay as one of our session directors. During the Counselor Fireside Sunday night, he talked about how to find contentment; how to live in wonder and awe and appreciation, and he spoke about living in the moment and seeking the Spirit in your life.

There is one other thing he spoke about that night that really struck me. He quoted Doctrine and Covenants 84:85,

"Neither take ye thought beforehand what ye shall say; but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life, and it shall be given you in the very hour that portion that shall be meted unto every man." He then said, "However, dig your well deep so that the Spirit has something to draw from."

Each one of us has the opportunity to touch the lives of others, to inspire them, to uplift and edify them. That is a responsibility we should take seriously concerning the people we are surrounded by. We are promised that (especially as we share the gospel) that we will be given in the very hour what we need to say or do to the convincing of others of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ (I feel this includes ourselves as well). "However," I quote from Bro. McLay, we need to "dig our well deep so that the Spirit has something to draw from."

If you do not read and memorize and ponder the scriptures, listen to good music, read good books and so forth, the Spirit has nothing to use. The Spirit will seldom zap those things into your brain.

I want to focus on how having a deep well is beneficial (to say the least) to us in our personal lives.

One night, I was in my bed trying to go to sleep. I had a lot of things on my mind, drawing me away from the release of slumber I so desperately needed at the time. My mind was bogged down with stress and worry and thus my spirit began to be bogged down as well.

I said a prayer. Suddenly, a familiar melody trickled into my memory; it seemed to float across my mind, lacing its way through my crowded thoughts and then swirling soothingly to calm my anxieties.

It was a song I had sung in the Latter-Day Celebration choir the previous semester, entitled "Jesus' Love is like a River".

The song bespeaks of the love of Jesus and how it flows gently, like a river, through the soul, how it falls like sunshine on our faces, how it warms us like a fire, how it is like a lighthouse when the storms of life appear. It is a very beautiful song with a moving melody and at the time, it was just what I needed.

If I had not sung and memorized that song, it would not have been in my "well" and the Spirit couldn't have drawn it out to ease my burdens.

The same thing has happened with quotes, other songs, and scriptures as I've needed them and as others have needed them.



I end with a few questions: What are you filling your well with? Are they good things that can be drawn out to quench the spiritual thirst of yourself and others? Or are they other things that have a contaminating effect on the well water?

Think about it.

Thy Goodness Faileth Never

Though the strains of life sometimes wane our courage, there is a Shepherd who comes and takes our hands which hang down in his and says with goodness that never fails, "I will lead you along."

He leads me.

This thought came to me after writing about something I'm going through. I hope it lifts you like it did me.